This wedding planning thing is really depressing me

Dan and I have been getting a lot of wedding stuff accomplished. Recently, we have: 

• locked in our wedding DJ (with the help of my uncle) 
• updated our wedding website
• finalized the wording for all parts of our wedding invitations
• worked on addressing the invitations
• found hotel information for out of town guests (we didn't reserve a block of rooms because we will likely have less than 10 out of town guests looking for an array of price points)
• booked our hotel room for the wedding night
• updated the wedding registries
• designed wedding ceremony programs

We still have lots of things to do. Next up on the list is picking out the tuxes, printing the invites, getting undergarments, and then... the dreaded dress fitting. I don't think I've made much progress since I left NJ. I have lost one pound since then (actually more, because I gained some, but I'm officially one pound less than when I left NJ). I'm proud to say that I got back onto the bandwagon at full speed. It's easier for me to control my eating habits now that I'm working 2.5 jobs (2 each day generally). I make a calendar of our dinners for each week that designates what we eat and shop for. I even went to the gym twice last week. Unfortunately, I tried to resume my workout routine from before I left for NJ. Well, my body was WAAAAYY out of practice, and I ended up sore for almost 5 days later. It was miserable. I plan on going back this week. The bad part of working 12+ hours a day means there is little time left for exercise. I'll be able to go about three times a week, which will have to be good enough for now. Wish me luck!

From the sound of things, Dan's mom is starting to look at dresses for our wedding. Every time I bring up the topic of dress shopping to MY mother, she gets all bent out of shape :(  To be completely honest, the wedding stuff has been stressing me out. A few days ago, I confronted Dan because I was upset about his lack of involvement in the wedding process, not because I don't let him, but because he "doesn't care about this kind of stuff." News flash-- I don't care about a lot of this stuff either!!!  Ugh. He'll get better... I hope. Not having my family around for the planning process is tough. It's even tougher when I don't have any of my bridesmaids here either. It was a bummer going dress shopping without my mom. I feel like that is something all brides want to share with their mothers. I don't get her help picking out things, helping me put things together, etc. When I do talk to her, there is a lot of stress behind everything she says, which just causes me to get upset. There's drama over bridesmaids' dresses, their shoes, her dress... I wish I could have the typical  'family of the bride' that was here and supportive throughout the planning process, but that's not how life works. I have to dry the tears, be a big girl, and keep my head high as I keep trudging through this mess. It's just been hard not feeling alone in this wedding planning process lately. So, I've been putting off even thinking about going for my initial dress fitting-- I don't want to go alone. I don't want the seamstress to unintentionally make me cry when she asks me how I'm going to bustle my dress when there is no one with me to learn how. It's just me... 

I also found out today that Dan's cousin, the one I mentioned months ago who moved her wedding from two months after ours to two months BEFORE ours ON Dan's birthday, had her bridal shower this weekend. Well considering I didn't find out about this until today, we obviously were not invited. I'm not sure why. We are on the wedding guest list (we got the wedding invitation). It's not like we wouldn't have gone-- we often make the seven hour trip to NJ for big events like that. Funny thing is, the bride isn't the one that even plans the shower, so someone else "forgot" to invite us. I'm not going to put any more thought into it. I think that was very strange, but I got the message. Sometimes I just want to throw my hands in the air and say, "I don't get it!" It makes you wonder what someone can do to get blacklisted from a bridal shower yet still invited to the wedding... It just makes me feel like I am not a welcome member of his family, which hurts because after all these years, I definitely consider Dan's family my family; I guess the feelings aren't all mutual. 

Sometimes, I feel like it is Dan and I against the world.