Thirsty, Thirsty Cactus

I basically haven't drank anything all day. It wasn't intentional; I just keep forgetting my water bottle. First, I forgot it in the car for first day job. Then, I forgot it in the freezer for my second job. Boo! I'm now thirsty and I'm getting a headache. I wonder if the headache is related... it would make sense.

Today, one of the attorneys at the Attorney General's Office reminded me that my wedding is about three months away. I wanted to die when I heard that. I see my wedding countdown everyday. I'm at like 107 days. 107 days sounds farther away than 3 months. Barf! I have so much to do. I might have a panic attack. Where are all of my 6 bridesmaids to help me with this lousy planning process? I guess I'd have to ask for help first... I guess I should actually designate some to see what needs to be done, then ask for help, and do it. Argh.

Random thought: I'm attempting to eat my dinner while I work at the library (actually having to do work here for a change) and I just noticed that this pasta with bolognese sauce I made the other night is AMAZING. It's my second night eating it, but I'm just now really appreciating it's wonderful flavor. It's not your typical "meat sauce." It's better... it's got stuff in it... like bacon (pancetta). Bacon makes anything better. I made the sauce from one of Gina's recipes. If you're interested, you can find it on Gina's website.  There is something about the depth of flavors in this sauce that makes it so wonderful. That, and the fact that it's taste reminds me of my grandma. I don't know what it is... but it makes me think of her. RIP Grandma Hubbs. <3 

The BIG 6-0!

That's right, I stepped on the scale this morning to discover that I had lost two pounds this week, thus putting me at 60 pounds lost since my heaviest weight. For a moment, I was disappointed that I had only lost two pounds despite sticking to my point allowance and exercising about four times a week. Then, I reassured myself that I always retain water weight during this week AND I indulged in a hibachi meal the night before with friends. That’s when I celebrated my milestone. I was trying to find something clever, like something that weighs 60 pounds, to symbolize my weight loss, but I couldn’t come up with anything worth mentioning. Either way, it’s a lot of weight! It’s like a 25% loss! Alas, I’m still obese. LOL. It’s the story of my life. According to a basic BMI calculator, I still have about 8 pounds to go until I can even be considered “overweight.” Hilarious! I’ll get there in no time… I’m not giving up anytime soon.

So, since I’ve lost all this weight, you’d think I’d be loving my body. Truth is, I still think it’s disgusting. HA! No, really. I feel like everything kind of… deflated. It’s like I’m the heavier me, but smaller. Nothing seems as though it has tightened or disappeared. What is worse is that I’m getting the dreaded hanging skin!!! That’s right; I’ve been fat for so long that my body doesn’t know what to do. Well, think about it: I’ve been fat my whole life—so my body grew this way. It’s not like it had to suddenly stretch out and now just stretch back. Yesterday, I noticed that I’m building some serious muscle in my arms and abs. Unfortunately, it’s covered my a disgusting layer of what I thought was flab but a trainer has said is skin that just may never go away. Heart breaking. I can bust my butt to lose all this wait and still be disgusting. UGH! Conclusion: Once I’ve lost more than 100 pounds, if my skin has not sprung back, I’ll take out yet ANOTHER loan and treat myself to a body lift—excess skin, be gone! Until then, I’m going to continue to work on losing weight and building muscle in hopes that things get better.

A brief note on my 5K training: Yesterday, I started Week 2 of my intervals, which increased the time I jog and walk by 30 seconds each. Going into it, I thought I was going to fail miserably and possibly die, but I didn’t! Yay! AND, I’m not sore today. I think I might push it and run my intervals again today. I’m technically not supposed to run them two days in a row at risk of causing injury. I probably shouldn’t, but I might be a rebel ;)

I’ve lost only five pounds since I tried my dress on last. I know it seems like more, but with my trips and this slow weight loss rut I hit, it’s taking forever. I’m almost positive the dress doesn’t fit. I need to hurry up because I have to get that thing to a tailor soon. My attitude is that I need to give them like two months to work on it, but that puts me at August 10. Is that too late? I don’t know… I don’t know! This is the time when I wish I had a support team here with me. I want to wait until August 10th to go to the tailor, but I don’t think anyone is available at that time to go with me… ugh. I hate this part. PS- I still need to buy décor for the reception and send out second deposits to vendors by the end of the month. Someone hound me about it so that I make sure to do it. :sigh:

"This is miserable"

I have tons to do (while at my library job), including basically write an appellate brief from start to finish today due to my lovely bout of procrastination on the assignment for the past two months, BUT I wanted to take a moment to discuss my training episode yesterday.

So, I woke up EARLY on a Saturday morning, after working late the night before, to go jog some intervals for my 5K training.  It was my first time doing the routine outside, rather than in a gym setting, and boy was it miserable.  My exercise watch "thingy" turned out to be a peace of junk, so Dan timed my intervals as he practically walked beside me and I jogged painfully slow.  I didn't factor the sun into the equation... yeah, it makes it a million times harder.  Plus, those stupid dips up and down in the sidewalk for every person's driveway really tire me out!  I noticed that I preferred to run in the street.  I also noticed that outside of the treadmill, I'm pretty terrible at this jogging thing.  Towards the end, I was dying.  I took it out on "Mr. Timer" and nagged the last two intervals saying things like, "I. am. dying.-- Yup. I'm dead," and "THIS is miserable! Why am I torturing myself?!"  LOL! When I got in the house, I felt like I was on fire... literally. I sat there a minute and let my heart rate slow.  As it slowed, I started to sweat... more than I have ever sweat in my LIFE!  It's was disgusting, but hey, sweat is the bi-product of hard work so I hope to see results if I keep it up... so long as I don't die first...

Today, I set the alarm to wake up early for some sort of workout.  Well, I was far too sore for a repeat of the day before, so I threw on a bathing suit.  Tanning counts as a workout, right?  I sweat a lot... lol.  I did a few laps in the pool before heading to work again today.  Always working for the almighty dollar...

Smörgåsbord

As the title suggests, this blog entry will be an array of different thoughts. Unfortunately, I cannot guarantee the thoughts will come out in an organized fashion-- and since my mind has been working in overdrive in a scattered fashion, I can't expect much more from myself at this time. That being said, hold on for the ride!

FAMILY

Dan and I traveled down to NJ last week for about four days after Dan's best friend's mother (Trish) lost her battle with cancer.  Since Trish had touched the lives of so many, many people were impacted by her death. While Dan and I were upset, we toughed it out for his friend and the family. We donated her clothes and medical supples, cleared space in the house, set up for the get-together at the house afterward, and just provided support as much as we could.  Death is never an easy part of life to cope with, but it's nice knowing you have close friends you can rely on during those tough times.  Helping was the least we could do.

While we were down in NJ, we spent time with Dan's family.  We sat up "talking feelings" with Dan's mother one night, which can be tough to do with Dan who likes to hide his feelings, but we felt better and more informed afterward. We went to dinner with his family at Bertucci's, where we will now be having our rehearsal dinner since Buca di Beppo in Cherry Hill is closing suddenly. We even managed to fit time in to go to church and visit with his grandparents.  While I was off spending time with my friend, Dan visited with his Dad. All in all, we were able to visit with much of his family.

My father just had surgery today on neck.  From what I understand, he had an artificial disc placed in his back to remove pressure from his spinal cord or something.  It's just the first of a few surgeries he will need, but he is on his way to recovery already. Although doctors say it will be about a six month recovery period, he assures me that there is no need to change our father/daughter dance plans for the wedding in a few months.  I wish I could be with him as he goes through this :(

WORK

It never stops... seriously.  I'm there now and after I write this, I'm going to work on an assignment for my other job! I am like the freaking Energizer Bunny.  Unfortunately, it's starting to get to me, plus it's only irritated by PMS symptoms. Ha! But to give you a better idea of what I'm doing for each of my 2.5 jobs: I am keeping murders in jail despite their futile attempts to argue for their freedom; putting together an indictment for a large drug case while writing a legal memorandum for all state police in NH; and eating cheese, crackers, and grapes while I work the library circulation desk (I do the occasional computer support and book checkout stuff; don't get me wrong). I honestly don't have enough time in a day.

In future career news, when Dan and I were down in NJ, we met with his old law firm to discuss both of our futures.  Let's just say that I'm gathering my resume materials now for a job that I've got "in the bag." Gosh, it feels nice to know important people in high places. I can't wait until I can make an official announcement in September.  Stay tuned!

WEDDING

I haven't accomplished too much in the world of wedding planning. A couple of weekends ago, Dan and I ventured out to pick our his, my father's, and the groomsmen's tuxes. I like my choices, but I can't say it was a super easy decision. I wish Dan gave more feed back, but then again, I know he doesn't have the best fashion sense either. I had to tell him "no" to an all black ensemble (even down to the shirt). We need to buckle down and make more purchases, especially for decorations and the favors (candy buffet). I have to find time to do that... somewhere...

WEIGHT LOSS

So, I had hit a bit of a plateau with my weight loss, but I could see where I was going wrong. I was eating out, and while making healthy decisions, it was messing with my WW points totals since I didn't always have nutritional information for what I ate. Now, I'm trying to only eat food that I can find the nutritional information for, which will also curb our love for dining out. I've been cooking a lot of things from http://www.skinnytaste.com/.  Some of our favorites are the chicken enchiladas, chicken stuffed with broccoli and cheese, and the Chicken Francaise. The website is awesome; she even calculates the WW points for you! It's definitely worth checking out! This week I vowed to go to the gym every day I could manage. My work schedule can make things difficult, but I'm sick of excuses. I'm even going to hit the gym on Saturday mornings (and Sundays if I can manage to be ready in time for work). I also decided that I am going to participate in a 5k race that the NH Attorney General participates in each year (http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/1/1_39/9894.shtml). It will be awesome to be part of such an important team, while also completing such a significant fitness benchmark for myself. I've never done something like it, but I am dying to try. I started following the Couch to 5K program that some friends turned me on to. I'll let you know how that goes. I haven't died yet ;)

Dan was griping over the cost of eating healthy while we were at the grocery store the other day and I eyed "fancy healthy food." My very quick response was that if he was going to complain about me eating right and bettering myself that I would leave him.  The moment after I uttered the words, I thought about where they came from.  I guess that although I sounded harsh, I really meant it.  I'm really doing this for myself.  Granted, it may seem as though I'm working hard to get into my wedding dress (and I am), but I am making lifestyle changes every day that will continue on even after the wedding.  And every pound I lose is a new accomplishment because it's the lightest I have ever weighed (not counting while I was a fetus... lol. You get my point).  I feel as though the excessive weight has distracted myself and others from who I am inside and the person I want to be perceived as. Make sense? I'm loving it. I'm slowing getting to the point where I can honestly believe that nothing tastes as good as "skinny" will feel, but I don't feel like I ever have to deprive myself. It's all about give and take. Next step in my weight loss milestones, indoor rock climbing! I've always wanted to try but I have been too scared of failing because I am too large and out of shape. Next raining day off, http://verticaldreams.com/ I'm doing it. I hope it's something that Dan and I can enjoy together.